andersroy97
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I understand the application of this discipline as being a relational adjustment rather than blind permission for the husband to exercise unilateral power and control. We are not talking about a patriarchy. 'Final say ' is simply a useful, acceptable risk and effective control behavior to get a couple to relate in some sort of reasonable way. It works well in situations, for instance, where the wife has a relational style that is aggressive,; i.e.. she tends to yell and scream a lot and the husband is more reserved and would rather talk things through calmly instead of fighting. Giving the consent for final say is a simple way to change their relating style though it probably doesn't change the course of any really significant or life changing decisions. "Final say' also has the clear advantage of giving the couple a way of effectively handling catastrophic life events such as the loss of a job, the death of a child or any of a number of natural or man made disasters such as hurricanes or the like. The point is this discipline need not be limited in its application because the intent is to allow both the husband and wife some way of feeling their real feelings and sharing their hopes and dreams. Like any good control behavior, 'final say ' can have many deeper uses than what appear superficially. Like 'one day at a time' has many more uses for me than it did the first day I used it. I'd say for its purpose, 'final say' is a fine discipline.
So, yes Sarah, I'd guess you are likely a woman who needs some kind of discipline as long as you don't define DD as spanking.
I cannot remotely identify with the idea that women are out-of-control childish creatures in need of a firm hand, while men are paragons of self-control and all other virtues in the known universe and quite possibly a few more besides. We are all human beings; we all make mistakes; and I don't think it is helpful to pedastalise men in this way.
For me, being under a man's authority is about retaining our awareness of one another as being different from each other. It is about being aware of myself as a woman, and being aware of the man as being a man rather than sexless/unisex.
In order to live like this in practice I think requires some form of discipline in the form of any number of control behaviors such as 'final say' if it applies or any number of possibilities. I especially like devices such as this because their applications can be so varied or so flexible. But any number of behaviors are possible.
I also think what you describe is the primary distinction between a Taken In Hand community (including traditional DD) which uses primarily spanking as the sexual impact behavior and BDSM which can run a gamut of some odd seeming and rather horrifying sounding 'stuff.' You want to relate to a man and you want to relate to him as a woman. I think in the BDSM community in general, the operating agenda is to relate to each other as either a 'dominant' or a 'submissive' and gender has very little to do with anything. i think if we are going to make any distinctions we must distinguish between relational differences like this rather than depth of understanding and I personally do not see any difference between the man/woman connection in what you describe asTIH and DD. I think they are the same. I think there is a huge difference between this and the bDSM community.