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88Brendan November 9, 2012 at 7:05 am Now, sex is the prize, it is cheap and seemingly plentiful. Relationships are work and are by definition, limiting – particularly when it comes to the sexual variety trigger for men and the hypergamy trigger for women. And self-limiting choices are precisely the opposite of the “have-it-all” culture. And even for those 80% on the outside looking in, the underbelly is visible, but asserting their will to reset/reorient the prize back to the relationship is more work (and perceived risk) than holding their noses and jumping in or just avoiding the whole thing.
More work, but also more want. I’m not sure that the “outside looking in”, on both the male and female sides of the equation, wants relationships. I suspect that, as you say, there is a reluctance because of the limiting factor they feature, even if people *say* they want them. I often wonder if this stated desire is really just a cover for the desire to legitimate medium-term casual sex.
89A Definite Beta Guy November 9, 2012 at 7:32 am Men want sex, women want commitment, let’s restrict the sex and we can get more commitment!
That’s the thought here, right?
The damn stats she quotes say the MEN want commitment, too.
Good fucking god. Maybe the men are hesitant to commit because feminists and the culture they have created a culture where our opinions don’t matter AT ALL. How is that supposed to be a loving relationship?
90Höllenhund November 9, 2012 at 7:34 am I often wonder if this stated desire is really just a cover for the desire to legitimate medium-term casual sex.
I suppose “No sex before monogamy!” falls into that category. “Medium-term casual sex”…heh, gotta laugh at that. Shows how screwed up things have become.
91Susan Walsh November 9, 2012 at 7:35 am @BB
This is what engineers might call a “tightly-coupled system”. There isn’t much slack here to absorb shocks if anything goes wrong with the plan.
Seriously. I just ran the numbers and she basically has to start dating her future husband at age 25-26. In fact, I do not think that is unusual – it’s probably the most common timeline for educated women. However. She obviously cannot do that if she’s setting aside her 20s for self-actualization, or if she is writing them off as one long party. The woman with future time-orientation will sort this out as she moves forward – meeting her husband in grad school (as I did), at work, through friends made at work, etc. However, you are right that there is little margin for error. Quite a few of my attractive female classmates in grad school have never married – and these were women who were giddy over guys at 25.