- 追加された行はこの色です。
- 削除された行はこの色です。
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88Brendan November 9, 2012 at 7:05 am
Now, sex is the prize, it is cheap and seemingly plentiful. Relationships are work and are by definition, limiting – particularly when it comes to the sexual variety trigger for men and the hypergamy trigger for women. And self-limiting choices are precisely the opposite of the “have-it-all” culture. And even for those 80% on the outside looking in, the underbelly is visible, but asserting their will to reset/reorient the prize back to the relationship is more work (and perceived risk) than holding their noses and jumping in or just avoiding the whole thing.
The Pirate – I took him to a film festival I had a spare ticket to on Wednesday night. And, yes, in the interests of being honest and avoiding being hypocritical, The Player knew that we were going on a date. The main motive for me taking him to this particular event was that I was able to finally receive the much-coveted friend feedback. A colleague was coming and I couldn’t wait for a second opinion – as fickle and childish as that sounds. She confirmed what was becoming increasingly clear to me – that while he’s a nice guy, he’s just a bit too full on and there’s definitely something odd lurking under the surface. And I don’t want to find out what it is.So, sadly, and unbeknown to him, I am cutting the lines and sending that ship forth.However, I’m unsure how to go about this – we’ve had three dinner dates and a movie outing. I agreed to go and see a DJ with him this week (before we had that fateful movie date), but I’m going to pull out. I just don’t see the point if I know that I will never, ever want to have sex with this man. I know I’m not the only one – Delightful Eccentric is having the same conundrum.Is a phone call too much? Would an email suffice? Can I combine the, “Hey, I can’t make it Friday” with a “PS, lose my number”?
The Player - His persistence is becoming endearing. Upon re-entering the world of constant contact, my phone screamed in delight as texts from him filled its inbox. And, I’ll admit it: I was excited that he’d been thinking of me (including while drunk and ordering kebabs it would seem). His friend has told me he’s never seen him this keen on someone. Last night, I stayed the night with one of my best friends, who’s been waving the dating pom poms since the idea of jumping on the online wagon first began. Her advice? To not let someone who obviously likes me slip through my fingers. To give him a chance. To be wary, but to be open. A text from him indicated that the offer to fly interstate for a date was still open…It’s all very romantic and flattering, but it just seems so… pressured. For someone to fly 900 km for dinner means it’s no longer a casual get together. It’s like going from playing the pokies at a pub in Kyogle with a fistful of dollar coins to hitting a high-rollers table in Vegas. High stakes, no room for error and high expectations.But, maybe it’s time for me to take a gamble.
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More work, but also more want. I’m not sure that the “outside looking in”, on both the male and female sides of the equation, wants relationships. I suspect that, as you say, there is a reluctance because of the limiting factor they feature, even if people *say* they want them. I often wonder if this stated desire is really just a cover for the desire to legitimate medium-term casual sex.
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89A Definite Beta Guy November 9, 2012 at 7:32 am
Men want sex, women want commitment, let’s restrict the sex and we can get more commitment!
That’s the thought here, right?
The damn stats she quotes say the MEN want commitment, too.
Good fucking god. Maybe the men are hesitant to commit because feminists and the culture they have created a culture where our opinions don’t matter AT ALL. How is that supposed to be a loving relationship?
90Höllenhund November 9, 2012 at 7:34 am
I often wonder if this stated desire is really just a cover for the desire to legitimate medium-term casual sex.
I suppose “No sex before monogamy!” falls into that category. “Medium-term casual sex”…heh, gotta laugh at that. Shows how screwed up things have become.
91Susan Walsh November 9, 2012 at 7:35 am
@BB
This is what engineers might call a “tightly-coupled system”. There isn’t much slack here to absorb shocks if anything goes wrong with the plan.
Seriously. I just ran the numbers and she basically has to start dating her future husband at age 25-26. In fact, I do not think that is unusual – it’s probably the most common timeline for educated women. However. She obviously cannot do that if she’s setting aside her 20s for self-actualization, or if she is writing them off as one long party. The woman with future time-orientation will sort this out as she moves forward – meeting her husband in grad school (as I did), at work, through friends made at work, etc. However, you are right that there is little margin for error. Quite a few of my attractive female classmates in grad school have never married – and these were women who were giddy over guys at 25.